


A Way

by WellDoneBeca



Series: Clint Barton Bingo 2019 [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Heavy Angst, Loss of children, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-04-07 05:18:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19078255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WellDoneBeca/pseuds/WellDoneBeca
Summary: Five years after losing Clint and your kids to the snap, you’ve become a vigilante, travelling the world and killing those who didn’t deserve to survive in the new world. When Natasha shows up with an opportunity you never thought you’d have, it’s your choice to follow her or stay in your rogue ways.Clint Barton Bingo Squares Filled:Chapter 1: VigilanteChapter 2: CryingChapter 3: Bed SharingChapter 4: Time TravelChapter 10: Nightmares





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I did a bit of editing to the canon just so everything will fit what I want it to fit. I changed the names of Clint’s kids: Lila is called Natasha – Nattie – because of obvious reasons, Cooper is still Cooper and Nathaniel Pietro became Pietro Nathaniel. The Avengers were all aware that Clint and Reader had a family.

The man in front of you begged for his life when you pressed the sword onto his throat, but his pleas fell deaf onto your ears. He was the last of a long list of Danish rapists and paedophiles you’d taken six months to track after the system had failed providing them the right justice. You held him by the blonde hair on his head and delivered your cut swiftly, not even feeling the blood trailing down your gloved hands while pushing him forward and kicking his spine to die as far away from you as possible.

“Y/N,” you heard your name being called behind your back and a short but noticeable shiver ran your whole body.

Natasha.

Have you ever known someone for your whole life?

Well, maybe not your whole life, but the most important part of it. Has anyone ever been so important to you that you could have never imagine yourself without them?

You had met Clint in the circus after running from the system. Your mother had died, and after a year in the system, you decided it was _enough._ After a while trying to fit in unsuccessfully with the crew, Clint and Barney ended up adopting you as one of them, and while you had a nice relationship to the oldest brother, it was the archer who spent most of his time with you, and who you bonded with for real, eventually becoming a couple and changing your lives for good after joining SHIELD – and eventually the Avengers.

Everyone knew better than to separate you two in _any_ situation.

Well, everyone except for Thanos.

You cleaned the blade of your sword your sleeve and pulled down your hoodie, letting the water fall on your head. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had called you by your name.

“How did you find me?”

Your best friend – was she still your best friend now? - arched an eyebrow, trying to soften her expression.

“You weren’t exactly hiding, were you?”

You hadn’t seen Natasha in years. The Snap… The Snap had changed everything.

Before it, you and Clint were retired, you had your own farm and were raising your three kids away from the dangers of Avenging; it was a good life. You produced most of your food, took them to school everyday and your husband would pick them up, you two were hard to spot – far from the most famous members of the team, with faces so common that people never really paid attention to, money was never a problem, and Nat would drop by at least once every two weeks to see how everything was going. You were happy, not just content but truly happy.

You let out a sigh, walking to her and ignoring the dead bodies of the criminals just a few feet from you.

“What do you want, Nat?” you asked, not looking into her eyes. “You’re not here to help me, I know you better than that.”

Her face twisted for a moment, and you could see the disapproval in it before it faded away.

Things had changed after what had happened. You weren’t the same person any more, you didn’t want peace or a quiet life. Half of the world had died, and your kids were right there with them, but not you, and neither many – many – people who deserved to go but didn’t. So now you had taken it upon yourself to rid the world of the worst of them; If you died, you died. You had nothing else to lose.

Your friend tightened her grip on her black umbrella. There was a time you were inseparable, the two of you and Clint, she was even the legal guardian to Nattie, Cooper and Pietro before they… Before everything. Now, you didn’t even know if she was the same woman you had once met. You weren’t the same person she had once known, though, not by far.

“We found a way to bring everyone back,” she said.

The air escaped your lungs like Earth had had its atmosphere suddenly removed.

“Don’t play with me.”

“I’m not,” she continued to stare into your eyes and offered you a naked open hand. “But we can’t do it without you.”

Your mind filled up with memories. Seeing Clint again, having your kids in your arms after so long…

“I’m in.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Square Filled: Crying

“New phone, some appropriate clothes, a place to keep your swords,” Natasha listed, pointing at the different parts of the room. “A real bed for a change, you already know where the bathrooms and kitchen are… I think that’s it.”

You looked around. The last time you had been in a real bedroom… Well, you couldn’t remember the last time you had been in a real bedroom, it was probably back at your own house, when you were trying to come to terms with what had recently happened.

“There’s some stuff here,” your friend said in a low and slow voice when she saw you sitting down on the bed. “Your stuff.”

You turned to her, keeping your face blank.

“Your old stuff.”

You didn’t ask Natasha how she had access to your old things. You had left all of them in a storage unit, only paying for it but never visiting or checking. Your friend was a spy; a storage unit was as easy as opening a fridge for her.

“Bold of you to assume I want to see anything,” you turn your face away when she took a place by your side, trying to hide your feelings for a moment. “I don’t think I’ve seen any picture or video or thing in…”

“Years?” she whispered.

“Years.”

The tear that fell on your cheek was something you hadn’t felt in a long time. You were always in pain: Every day that you woke up your first instinct was to look for Clint, and the realization that he wasn’t there was like a punch in the stomach every time. Your protective instincts towards the kids were still very much alive, you wanted to check Nattie’s homework and remind Pietro that he couldn’t forget to water the plants as soon as the sun came down. Anytime anything you knew Cooper would like came out on TV or the movies, you had to remind yourself that you didn’t need to check a day for him to go, because he wasn’t there.

“What happened to him?” you questioned, sniffing, and Natasha took your hand in hers. “I know Thanos is dead, but what really happened to him.”

She shifted a bit on the mattress.

“He went to space, to an empty planet and basically became a farmer,” your friend sighed. “We tracked him down after he used the power infinity stones to destroy them and Thor cut his head off.”

You shook your head.

“You should have called me,” you chuckled deplorably. “I have a lot more experience cutting heads than the pretty boy.”

Natasha didn’t have an answer to that, but only reached with her hand and held yours.

Your sobs intensified, but she didn’t move to hold you or you moved to search for any comfort. 

"He killed my kids," you laughed hysterically, crying hard and painfully. "And I didn't… I didn't even get to make him pay for it."

Nat squeezed your hand. 

"I know," she whispered. "But he's gone now."

"And everything is worse!" you half sobbed and half shouted.

She didn't answer, and you moved your hand to try and rub away the tears from your skin. 

"The plans have been drawn," your best friend pointed calmly and released you to reach for your drawer, pulling a picture from inside. "We just need to follow them and we'll see them again. All of them."

Goodness, that picture. You could remember that day as if it was just earlier this morning. Pietro's birthday. 

Your water had broken when you were waiting for the kids to arrive home with Natasha, and even managed to finish helping with their homework before Clint arrived, found out and freaked out. It didn’t matter that this was your 3rd kid - it could be your 10th -, he still needed your best friend knocking some sense into his head. 

Not even two hours after arriving to the hospital, little Pietro was in your arms. You had just woken up from a nap when your family had arrived and taken a picture. The rest of the Avengers showed up a day later when you were already home, and when Wanda found out about the name you’d chosen, she’d literally cried, and became an actual part of your lives until your retirement. 

“Did she make it?” you questioned, finally realising you had never asked or given attention to which of your team members had survived. 

Nat shook her head and you nodded slowly. 

“I don’t know a lot about what happened with the Avengers after the snap,” you confessed, still holding the picture tightly. “You’re gonna have to explain a lot to me.”

“I’ll start from the beginning, then.”


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squared Filled: Bed Sharing

_ You yawned in exhaustion, running your hands down from behind your ears to your neck, and looked around your surroundings slowly. Something was off and you couldn’t quite catch what. _

“ _ There’s a storm coming,” you heard behind yourself and turned around just to find Clint gazing out of the window a few feet away from you. _

“ _ Where’s lucky?” you questioned in worry. “Last time there was a storm and we didn’t get him inside we had to spend the day cleaning the kitchen. I still don’t know how he managed to get mud on the ceiling.” _

_ Your husband chuckled. _

“ _ He’s got luck. It’s his name; Lucky.” _

_ You shook your head; he was so silly sometimes that he made you feel like you had four kids, and not just three, and this extra kiddo was the clumsiest in the whole galaxy. You couldn’t understand how he was able to be an Avenger or even a spy. _

“ _ I was thinking that we could maybe have pizza before going to bed,” he suggested. _

“ _ Like last night?” _

_ Clint shrugged and not thinking much, you walked to him, holding his middle and kissing his lips softly. _

“ _ I love you,” you whispered. “I really do.” _

_ He opened a genuine and foolish smile, the same you absolutely adored and recognised from years of being by his side. The first time you’d seen it, you’d just had your first kiss, and it had made you fall deeper in love with the dumbass you called your husband. _

“ _ I know,” he looked down at you and frowned a bit. “Is everything okay?” _

_ You nodded quickly. _

“ _ I just feel like I don’t say that often enough.” _

_ Clint chuckled, and you sighed a bit as you felt his hands moving under your shirt to caress your skin. _

“ _ You say that every morning,” he reminded you. “And every night. I can never forget that you love me.” _

_ You just shrugged in response. _

“ _ Then I say it randomly just as well.” _

_ He kissed your lips once again, taking one of his hands and holding the back of your neck very gently and, after a few moments, guiding you to the couch. You reached out a hand to feel what was behind you, half sitting and half lying down underneath him, ready to further the kiss when steps caught your attention. _

Oh, well, break is over.

“ _ No running,” Clint reminded your kids. _

_ You let out a soft laugh and raised your head just in time to see Natasha slowing down with Cooper behind herself, both of them showered and ready for bed, their brother already sound asleep. _

“ _ Gimme my kiss,” you opened your arms widely, and your daughter was the first to come into them. _

_ You hugged her hard and kissed her cheek several times, getting a giggle back before whispering “I love you” and letting her go, and doing the exact same to her twin. _

“ _ Don’t forget to be up early tomorrow,” you warned him. “We’re gonna start at 8:15, no buts.” _

_ He nodded, and both of them said goodnight to Clint before leaving. Your kids were pre-teens now, and both had taken an interest in what you and your husband did; while Natasha was learning archery with her father, you were starting to train Cooper to be a swordsman, as he wanted to be just like you. _

_ When they left, you fell right back onto the comfortable seats. _

“ _ So,” you stretched your arms above your head. “You said something about pizza?” _

_ You were in bed three hours or so later, curled on top of him, still awake while listening to the beating of his heart. The storm outside was already going strong and Lucky was sleeping on his bed, in the corner of the room. A rumble of thunder had just made itself loud outside when you heard a soft knock on your door and looked up, finding all three of your kids standing on the doorway, with Nattie holding a crying Pietro and Copper right behind her. _

“ _ Come here,” you hushed them, and nudged Clint until he opened his eyes. _

‘Move’  _ you signed. _

_ You youngest son found his way between the two of you almost naturally, and you eyed his two siblings a bit away. _

“ _ You know…” you moved your hand through Piet’s soft hair. “No one will judge you if you want to sleep with us tonight.” _

_ The twins eyed each other and you opened more space on the king-size bed, and your husband adjusted to the new additions, raising his hands to you with a bit of a playful grin on his face. _

‘We’re spoiling them.’

_ You chuckled in response. _

‘Shut up and go to sleep. I love you’

‘I love you too.’

_ You closed your eyes and breathed deep when you felt as Clint held your hand above the kids, both your arms now resting on them, tightening your grip on him. It was the last thing you felt before falling asleep. _

* * *

 

The bed underneath you felt far too large when you woke up, alone and slightly cold. Your dream was a lot more inviting than reality, a lot less lonely too.

Natasha was the only one in the kitchen when you arrived and offered you a mug of freshly made coffee and a soft and sympathetic smile.

“Are you ready to start?”  

  
  



	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Square Filled: Time Travel

There was a weird silence when you entered where the others were talking about something you couldn’t quite catch, and all eyes turned to you when you stepped inside.

“Y/N,” Steve said slowly.

“Cap,” you approached the group. There were people there you didn’t know there... Well, one blue person and a racoon that was seemingly sentient.

“This is Nebula and Rocket Racoon,” he explained. “She’s… Uh… Thanos daughter.”

You eyed the blue woman from head to toe.

“Really?” you turned to the blonde man in front of you.

“He killed my sister,” she said darkly, not even looking at you. “We spent our lives fighting for his affection and when we finally got over…”

“Hey,” you interrupted him. “I don’t recall asking about your life story. You just had to say you hated him. Save that for lunch break.”

She stopped, and everyone just stared at you until Steve cleared his throat.

“Nebula, Rocket, this is Y/N Barton. Nakhtui.”

“Also known as Samurai Jack,” Stark added to try and lighten the mood in the room.

“Ronin sounds better to me,” you walked to the table they were all around, finding scientific formulas, notes in cursive and a sketch of a suit.

Ronin. A Samurai without a master.

Bruce gave you a short uncomfortable glance, and rubbed a hand down his jeans.

“So… We need someone to test the new plan, to send back in time,” he explained. “Scott are you…”

“I’ll go,” you interrupted him.

Everyone raised their eyes in surprise, and you just put your hands in the pockets of your pants.

“What? I just got here, he has a kid and is the only one with actual time travel experience, if he dies you’ll all regret sending him.”

You didn’t miss Natasha’s frown and displeased look, but chose to ignore it.

“What makes you think we wouldn’t miss you if you died out there?” Rogers looked at you, confused.

You snickered at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest and pressing your lips together for a moment.

“I disappeared for almost five year and no one except for Nat tried to find me, even though everyone knew I had survived the snap,” you reminded not only him but all of them. “If you didn’t miss me then, I’m sure you won’t miss me now.”

Your best friend looked away, but she wasn’t the one to speak.

“Don’t act like you’re the only person traumatised by the snap, Barton,” Stark said, not even looking at you.

The anger that seemed to be eternally bubbling inside you since the incident came to surface and you pushed your way until you were face to face with him, staring into his eyes.

“I lost three kids and a husband that day,” you growled. “I had to watch the son I grew inside me turn into dust before my own eyes while he fell into my arms. Don’t you dare tell me how I’m supposed to act.”

The whole group fell into silence, and he lowered his head, almost in a contemplative embarrassment, and you stepped back.

“I’m not a genius, I don’t have a suit and I don’t have powers,” you reminded everyone. “I’m just a human with a sword. So where is the time travelling suit?”

* * *

 

“Let me go over the details again.” Banner rubbed his hands together.

“I know, I know,” you interrupted him. “Go there for 30 seconds, check if it is actually the past, no tampering with it, yada yada yada…”

The massive man chuckled, but nodded and you stood on the platform, taking a long breath.

“Go on.”

You felt yourself being dragged and pressed the button you were supposed to press in your suit a moment before landing on a fluffy floor.

You recognised your house at first glance. The last time you’d seen it, it was a dirty mess, long left behind by you, but now it looked just like it was before… Well, before everything.

Had it worked? Were you actually in the past?

The voice from the yard answering the question for you.

“Come on, mum!”

Five years and you could still recognise Cooper’s impatient tone anywhere.

“I’m on my way!” you heard your own voice, much more cheerful and carefree… Happy. “I’ll be right there.”

You stepped forward in weak legs, but felt yourself being pulled away, and fell on the floor of the compound with a short scream.

“Cooper,” you reached out, but he wasn’t there any more. Well,  _ you _ weren’t there any more.

You turned to where Bruce was, and met his expectant eyes, swallowing dry.

“It works,” you stood on your feet after crawling into a less embarrassing position.

He celebrated to himself, and you covered your face for a moment.

“I need fresh air, I… I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.”

 


	5. 5

****You tried to calm yourself down, walking from one side to the other until you heard a step beside yours.

“Barton.”

You turned around, and stopped to watch Stark walking to your side.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you crossed your arms, already defensive. “What are you doing here?”

“Talking to an old friend,” he said it like it was obvious, and he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for what happened inside, I know it’s been hard and I’m not helping at all, right?”

You didn’t answer verbally, only shaking your head, and he shifted on his place.

“I can’t possibly begin to imagine how you feel, not really.”

You finally turned to face the man by your side, and watched carefully as he pulled something from his pockets. You weren’t in a dangerous place now, but it was hard to let go of your instincts.

“I got a kid now,” he tried to hold a small smile, and showed you a picture on his phone of a brown-haired girl who had Pepper’s exact smile and his eyes. “Morgan.”

You gave him a soft look, trying to keep any reactions for yourself but feeling your heart sink in your chest. She was just as old as Pietro before you lost him to the snap. In any other occasion, they could have been friends.

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost her, I'd probably…”

“Go insane?” you finished his sentence.

In the months following the snap, you had been hospitalised, just like hundreds of thousands – or millions – of people. Because you were once an Avenger you’d stayed at the compound, which was where the rest of the teams had seen you last before you went under the radar.

Natasha, Rogers and Rhodes – and sometimes Pepper when Stark was still lost in space – had visited you regularly, your best friend going there every single day. She was the one filling you in about what had happened before and what was going on in the world, and when you had started to process it, you just couldn’t accept it.

“I still feel lost,” you sighed. “I am really… When I started, I had this thing in the back of my head, this thought. Maybe if I even the numbers, then I’ll have them back. So I killed one person. And two, and three, and then four. All of them undeserving of surviving what had taken so many innocent lives. And I waited, but they didn’t come back. Clint, Nattie, Cooper, Piet… They were all gone, they were still gone.”

Your lips trembled, but you blinked and swallowed down your tears. Tony, in turn, listened in silence, only taking your words.

“Then I just kept doing it. Why did they survive but Clint didn’t? Or Wanda? They were heroes! Why didn’t my kids, who were completely innocent survive, but mobsters, killers and paedophiles were still allowed to walk around alive and breathing?” your voice rose, shaky and almost screaming.

You moved your hands to cover your face, recollecting yourself for a moment, and turned to him once again, staring into his eyes.

“I changed because of that,” you finally said. “I’m not the person who I used to be, Tony. Please, don’t expect me to be the old friend you met years ago or you’ll be disappointed.”

Tony nodded, breathing deeply.

“Okay,” he took another breath. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

You let the silence fall between you, but it wasn’t long until you heard his voice again.

“Barton,” he called. “Y/N.”

You raised your eyes from where they were cast on the ground between your feet, and looked at him.

“We’re gonna bring them back. Little Nat, Clint Junior, the baby who isn’t a baby anymore and the dumbass you call your husband,” he listed and you chuckled at the affectionate names he still held for them even five years later. “And everyone else too. We wouldn’t be here together if there wasn’t a chance.”

You stared into his irises, finding something in there you couldn’t quite name or place.

“Do we really have a chance?”

“One.”

You swallowed down. One chance.

“Alright,” you nodded, licking your lips and holding them between your teeth for a moment. “One is good enough.


	6. 6

“You look less broody,” you heard, turning around to find Natasha walking in your direction.

You were in the training room, recently finished fighting one of those hyper realistic holograms Stark owned in one of the various possibilities you would face in your mission to retrieve the stones.

“Killing jerks helps me relax,” you managed to open a small smile, and your best friend mirrored it instantly.

“Steve thinks you are less stiff,” she noted. “But you haven’t talked a lot.”

You just sighed, setting your sword down and wiping the sweat from your face.

“Everyone is expecting me to be the same person. Stark, Banner… Rogers especially. You as well.”

Natasha looked at you in a mixture of surprise and sadness on her face.

“No one said you’re supposed to be the same,” she affirmed. “We have all changed.”

You looked away. That wasn’t how you felt.

“Are you sure it isn’t you expecting yourself to be the same person?”

You looked at Natasha with a confused face.

“You left a lot behind when you ran away. The last time any of us saw you, you were still in the hospital wing, and then… You were gone. No letter or note saying where you went, and we were still worried about your state of mind…” she recounted the stories. “We didn’t even know if we’d ever see you again, if you would remain alive.”

Her last words made you close your eyes. You had considered ending your life more than once on your journey but never had taken any step towards it.

“The only thing we expect from you is you staying and fighting.”

You watched her for a moment and finally let out a chuckle.

“You’re what, now, a therapist?”

Surprising you, Natasha let out a full-blown laugh.

“Not really. But we’ve all been seeing one,” she pointed. “Even Nebula. You should try.”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t think a therapist would truly help you. Still, you just nodded briefly.

“Maybe. Who knows?”

She put a hand on the middle of your back.

“Come on, it’s late. We both need a good sleep before tomorrow.”

* * *

 

You watched silently as everyone suited up, storing both your swords and some extras Stark had added for you, and raised your eyes to find Rogers standing in front of you.

“You good?” he questioned.”

You nodded silently.

“I’m… Uh…” he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry we never got to bring everyone back before. And that we couldn’t find you. You left, to be honest, and I think we were afraid of looking because we all wanted to do what you did… run.”

You listened silently, sometimes moving your eyes away and then back to him.

“We should have never given up looking for you. You’re part of this team, and we are everything we have now,” he affirmed. “I hope we can try to reconnect after everything is done.”

You took a deep breath.

“We can try,” you decided.

Steve opened a small smile, but you both moved your attention away to the group when Tony’s voice broke the general silence.

“Done.”

Nebula stood from the bench where he’d placed her. Stark had been working on changing some of her configurations so she would be undetectable if her past self was ever present where she was supposed to go. It wasn’t something that would probably happen, but the whole team agreed that it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Everyone ready?” Bruce questioned as your group climbed onto the platform, and everyone confirmed. “Captain, any words?”

The blonde man took a long breath, and you saw as his posture changed. Steve Rogers was gone. Captain America had taken his place.

“Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family,” he looked at you. “We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions.”

You took Natasha’s hand in yours, squeezing it tightly and earning a smile in return.

_ We’re going to get you back, Clint, _ \- you whispered in the back of your mind –  _ and our crazy family will be complete again. _

“Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs,” he reminded all of you. “Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn’t mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we’re going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

You took a glance at the spaceship in the palm of your hand – one you had spent the last five weeks learning how to pilot through a simulated Stark had created– and Rocket crossed his arms by your side.

“Hey, sword girl,” he called you, making you focus your eyes on him. “You promise to bring that back in one piece, right?”

You shrugged.

“Sure. I’ll try.”

“See you in a minute,” someone said, but you were too focused on the things shifting under you in the platform.

You took a long breath.

That was it.

Time to get the stones and bring your family back.


	7. 7

“That…” you looked at the inside of the spaceship from top to bottom. “Well, it isn’t  _ that _ bad. It’s clean.”

Nebula and Rhodey only gave you a short look, but Natasha smiled.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know,” you checked your gear for a moment. “A Racoon owns it. I didn’t know what to expect.”

“Quill owns it,” the cyborg woman corrected you. “Rocket is only taking care of it.”

“Okay,” you corrected yourself. “A Raccoon is taking care of it. Still doesn’t change a single thing about me expecting it to be… Well, not really clean.”

She shrugged, and you sat down while the rest of your group also took their places, your best friend taking a place behind what you could only call the ‘wheel’ of the ship.

“Buckle up,” Nat smiled to you. “It’s gonna be a fast ride.”

It took a short moment before you could feel the ship moving fast, and held the sides of your seat. Releasing a breath you didn’t even know you were holding when she stopped.

“You guys have everything you need?” you looked behind your shoulder, seeing the two people that came with you getting up, and both confirmed briefly. “See you in nine years, then.”

Rhodey let out a short laugh, and Natasha shook her head, although smiling a bit. They left, and your friend drove the ship onto the planet you two were supposed to crash.

The single view of the place gave you shivers, and something suddenly sank inside you.

What if you couldn’t do it? What if something wrong happened and…

“Hey,” your friend called, walking to you. “You’re spiralling.”

You closed your eyes and Natasha reached to touch your face, putting your hair behind your ear.

“What is it?”

“What if we don’t accomplish it?” you whispered. “What if whatever is down there kills us and we fail? Or maybe we’re stuck on this planet forever for some reason.”

So many things could go wrong, you couldn’t even think of all of them.

“Don’t you remember what Nebula told us about this place?” you opened your eyes, finding her blue irises focused on you.

“A dominion of death at the very centre of Celestial existence.”

You took a long breath, trying not to panic, and Natasha took your hand in hers, pressing her forehead against yours.

“It’s okay,” she affirmed. “I know it’s terrifying, but we’re gonna be just fine.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to react to her, and your friend just ignored the look of fear you gave her.

“Remember what I said to you in New York when you started to think we couldn’t do it?” she raised both of your hands in hers, squeezing them.

You chuckled in response to the memory. How could you forget the very first time you had worked together as Avengers?

“We may fail, but we’re gonna save every goddamn possible life on the way,” you repeated her promise.

She nodded.

“We are gonna get the stone and go home, and we’re gonna get your kids back, and save the rest of the world too, alright?”

You confirmed and threw your head back, running a hand over your hand and fixing your locks.

“Okay. Let’s go get the stone and save the world.”

You gave the ship a short look before completely leaving it, and took a breath. Well, at least you  _ could  _ breathe in. Oxygen. Oxygen was good.

“Where do we go?” you questioned. It didn’t look like the place had a lot of interesting paths.

Your friend checked her holographic map and pointed at the direction of close mountains.

“There.”

You squeezed your eyes a bit.

“Trust Avenging to put us in the middle of nowhere,” you noticed. “Come on. We only have nine years.”

Your friend shook her head in disbelief, turning to you with a look that mixed annoyance and a bit of amusement.

“Are you gonna drop the nine years joke?”

You just smiled.

“Nope,” you put your hands on your sides. “But really, let’s go.”

She didn’t protest, and you two started your path. It would be a long way up there.

  
  



	8. 8

You hated climbing stuff. Buildings, long staircases, walls, mountains… Whatever you had to climb, you hated it. Not that you complained in your day to day; you usually did those in silence, but this mountain on this weird planet was the biggest you’d done by foot.

“Why didn’t we just land closer?” you asked, stopped when you finally got to the top. “I haven’t climbed that much since I left the circus.”

Your friend turned to you with a confused smile.

“You climbed mountains in the circus?”

“No, by I climbed impossible spots in the circus. I was an acrobat along with the sword-fighting. It gave me those really muscular thighs,” you gestured and sighed. “Clint loved them.”

Nat let out a short and sad laugh.

“Circus sex. I can imagine the appeal.”

You were ready to say something back but a voice interrupted the two of you.

“Welcome.”

You pulled your sword before turning to see who it was and seeing the caped figure in front of you didn’t do anything to calm you down.

“Natasha, daughter of Ivan. Y/N, daughter of Alexander.”

You only continued to stare at him. How did he know your father’s name?

“Alright, champ, we’re here on a mission,” you announced, “Get out of the way and no one gets hurt.”

“Consider me a guide,” he announced. “To you and to all that seek the soul stone.”

You exchanged a look with Natasha but didn’t back down.

“Alright. Tell us where it is and we’ll be on our way.”

The figure stepped into the light, and you swallowed dry. It was a humanoid creature, with a face that resembled nothing more than a skull painted red.

“Unfortunately, it’s not that easy.”

You took a deep breath. You knew this was too easy.

“What do we have to do?” you arched your eyebrow at him. “Fight you? Cause I can chop you up real quick.”

The man – if you could call him a man – didn’t falter to your words.

“Follow me.”

You exchanged a look with your friend and walked behind the figure with your weapons in hand until you reached the edge of a cliff.

“What you seek lies in front of you.”

You glanced down. It was a long fall, but you could see the end and the golden light it emitted.

“The soul stone,” Natasha whispered.

You frowned. Were you supposed to climb down to get it?

“For one of you,” he continued, making the two of you turn to hear his words. “For the other...”

When he didn’t proceed, the two of you stepped back eyeing him in a clear questioning.

“In order to take the stone, you must lose that what you love,” the man with red skin affirmed. “A soul for a soul.”

The buzzing in your ears covered whatever he said next, and you stepped out of his presence and away from Natasha, not even sure if your friend was coming after you. It was only when you felt her hand holding your elbow that you stopped, far away enough that the creature wouldn’t hear whatever you’d talk about.

“Y/N…”

“A soul for a soul,” you repeated. “More death. More loss.”

She sat down on the floor, and you paced around.

“He might be making it up,” you turned to her. “I mean… How do we know he’s right?”

“I didn’t know my father’s name.”

You stopped, looking at your friend, but her eyes weren’t directed to you.

“And Thanos…” she sighed.

You closed your eyes, covering your face with your hands.

“He came with his favourite daughter and left without her,” you remembered. “I can’t believe that.”

_ Fuck. _

You moved your hands to your hair, pushing it back. Clint, Nattie, Cooper, Pietro, and Wanda were gone, and fuck the world, but you couldn’t live knowing that you weren’t able to bring  _ them  _ back. So you pulled your shit together and straightened your back.

“Whatever it takes.”

Natasha stood up and you looked back at her.

“We know we have to do it,” she whispered. “It’s… Just one of us.”

You felt tears pouring from your eyes and staining your cheeks, unable to contain them.

You would never kiss Clint again. You would never see Nattie becoming better and better with an arrow, would never be able to teach Cooper how to be a swordsman and would never have Pietro running to your bed in a thunderstorm again. You would never have Lucky jumping on you and throwing you on the floor with how excited he was at seeing you. You would never kiss your kids to sleep and would never have another baby to make your number even.

But they’d be alive and well, they’d have their father with them and Natasha to help Clint anytime he was too confused or needed someone to hit the back of his head to rearrange his thoughts.

Natasha hugged you tightly, and you could hear how she was also crying through her sniff.

“That’s it, then,” your friend sniffed when you moved away. “A lifetime of adventures and that’s how we say goodbye.”

You cupped her cheek. Gosh, it hurt to bad.

“We never got the chance to go back to Budapest,” you reminded her. “I told you we should have gone after the battle of New York, we needed to make memories that weren’t battle-related from that place!”

She laughed, clearly surprised with the memory.

“I guess this is goodbye,” you muttered, releasing her from your grasp. “Tell Clint and the kids I love them more than I can ever put into words.”

Natasha frowned.

“What? No. You’re gonna tell them that.”

It was your time to frown, completely thrown out of your baseline of thought in surprise.

“What do you mean with that? Natasha…”

“I’ve been trying to get here for five years,” she interrupted you. “We gotta bring everybody back whatever it takes.”

You just stared at her, opening and closing your mouth.

“Well, me jumping  _ is _ gonna save everybody,” you reminded her. “Nat, you know what I did for those last five years, you know how much I need to bring my family back, but I don’t know if I deserve to have them any more.”

“I would never judge you,” she held your hand tightly. “I won’t let you die.”

“I won’t let you die either!” you almost yelled.

“You have kids,” she reminded you. “You can’t leave them without a mother.”

You shook your head.

“They’ll be fine without me.”

“They won’t,” she corrected you. “And they won’t be without you.”

You took a long breath, It was useless to fight Natasha.

“Fine…” you wiped the tears from your face. “You win.”

Your friend nodded, and you laid a hand on her face softly, kissing her free cheek and stepping back.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you muttered.

“I know you will.”

You held her hand tightly and she closed her eyes, giving you the perfect opportunity to pull her leg under yours and push her down.

“Sorry,” you said before walking to the cliff. “Don’t forget to tell my family what I said to you.”

You could hear her reacting behind you, but didn’t look back. You were just a few away from the edge when something you quickly recognised as one of her electric weapons hit you, throwing you down and making you hit your nose right down.

“You can tell them yourself.”

You knew your friend was running, so you just stuck out your hand and grabbed her ankle the moment she stepped by your side. She just dodged you, however, and you rushed to stand up, running right after her.

Natasha jumped, and your heart almost jumped out of your chest, but you had time to jump right behind her and grab her body in a tight embrace, using your equipment as a rope to save the two of you from the fall.

“You’re crazy,” she yelled through the wind while you tried to grasp ahold of the rope with her in your arms.

“I’m not letting you do this,” you stared into her eyes. “Natasha, grab the rope.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Grab the rope,” you yelled into more tears. “I won’t let you die. I won’t.”

You heard a sound, and took a breath when you saw the stone breaking from the weight. It wouldn’t hold for long. If you could only get her to hold on, you’d get free and she’d be able to go home.

“Y/N, just let me go.”

You closed your eyes, and Natasha’s hands pushed yours away, but your grip was too tight. When the rope showed signs it would give out, you couldn’t ignore it any more and took one hand to hold it. That was when she used the opportunity and pushed herself away from you.

“Natasha!” you shouted, but it was too late.

Your friend crashed onto the ground, and you closed your eyes, unable to look at her. She was gone.

You looked up just in time to see the rock breaking where you had attached yourself to and trying reaching out to a safer place to hold onto when thunder and lightning started happening around you, but it was useless. Before you could grasp anything, you fell down as well.  

 


	9. 9

You opened your eyes with coldness around you but something hot inside your hand and sat up slowly while everything came back to you.

You were alive.

You were still in Vormir.

Natasha was gone.

You lowered your eyes to your hand and closed them once again. The stone. You had the stone.

You stood up on weak legs and dragged yourself into the ship, sitting there for a moment.

Nat was gone. She was dead.

You didn’t want to go back to your time. You wanted to sit there and let yourself perish alone, just die of starvation. You pushed yourself, however, setting the configurations and bringing yourself right back to where you had left, clutching the stone in one hand and the ship in another.

You took a long breath when the other team members came to your vision, all of them happy with what they’d just done. The group didn’t even look behind while leaving the platform.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” Rhodey asked, lifting the purple stone in his hand.

“It’s supposed to,” Tony answered. “Let’s be positive.”

You closed your eyes, still feeling water dripping from your head to your shoulders and your clothes. The first person who turned around to look at you when you stepped down the platform was Steve, who was smiling openly and clearly excited about his accomplishment before his face fell.

It wasn’t him who voiced his worries, whoever, but Bruce.

“Y/N, where’s Nat?”

Suddenly, everyone’s eyes fell on you, and you had to hold the tears back from your eyes. You didn’t have to say anything, they all understood what had happened.

“Did you know?” you turned to Nebula.

You saw confusion in her eyes, even behind all of the mechanical engineered parts.

“About what?”

You held back an angry outburst. She didn’t know, you couldn’t blame her.

“He gave your sister to get it,” you took a deep breath, clenching the fucking stupid stone in your hand. “A soul for a soul.”

Nebula’s face fell and she cast her eyes down, just as everyone slowly took the information in.

You closed your eyes, almost feeling yourself shaking, and only looked up when someone walked to your side, holding the hand where you held the stone.

“You can let it go now,” Tony whispered.

You dropped in on his palm, and the man wrapped his arms around you slowly.

“She didn’t let me do it,” you finally allowed yourself to cry, sobbing into his shoulder. “I tried to, but she fought me!”

Your team surrounded you slowly, and soon you were all comforting each other for a long moment before everyone they drifted away, leaving you alone once again.

You changed out of your wet clothes, not even regarding what the rest of the team was doing, and walked out to the pier when you realised that it was where everyone was sitting, arriving just in time to see Tony and Steve talking.

“Did she have any family?”

“Yeah. Us,” the blonde captain said, almost as if it was obvious.

Everyone fell into silence again, not because you had stepped in there, but because there was no more to say. You didn’t count, however, on Thor’s angry burst to the two of them.

“Stop acting like she’s dead,” he accused. “We can bring her back with the stones, we’re the Avengers, this is what we do.”

You crossed your arms and turned away from them. You couldn’t see him like that, not when you knew it was your fault that she died there.

“We can’t bring her back,” you shook your head. “We can’t undo it.”

Thor frowned in response.

“Not trying to offend you, but you’re human. You don’t know a thing about space magic, this is my realm and I know space magic isn’t definitive.”

You couldn’t contain your sobs any more, and once again started crying, this time very angrily and still trying not to look pathetic under his – or anyone else’s – eyes.

“It can’t be undone!” you interrupted him, feeling your voice growing louder with each word you uttered. “That’s what the red guy said. You wanna go talk to him? Be my guest, take your damn hammer, do that fucking spinning thing you do with it when you want to go anywhere, fly to the planet and ask him if you don’t trust my word.”

Once again, Tony stood from his place and put an arm around you, rubbing your arm and trying to calm you down.

“It should have been me,” you spat. “I’m the one who changed and turned my back to the world. I’m the one who should have died when it came to the cut, she didn’t deserve it but she did it anyway.”

No one protested, all of them knowing it was true.

“Come on,” Tony finally called all of you. “It’s time to make something out of her sacrifice.”

 


	10. 10

The morning felt weird to wake up to. Your body was covered in sweat, wet and glueing your hair to your skin. Even before you could open your eyes, you knew you weren’t alone; there was a feeling of eyes on your back that, for the first time in a long while, brought you real fear and chills.

“Turn around,” the voice called coldly, and you froze on your spot.

Clint.

“Turn around right now, Y/N.”

You swallowed dryly and slowly complied, taking a shallow breath when your eyes met his figure. He was wearing the same clothes you’d last seen him but was now covered in dirt and blood.

“What did you do?” your husband stared into your eyes. “You’re not the person I married.”

Your heart raced in your chest and you stumbled out of the bed when he stood up and walked out of the room, not caring to give you a single look while leaving you running after him in your house – which looked much older and dusty than the last time you’d been there.

When you stepped out of it, you didn’t step into your farm but found yourself back in Vormir, which made you question yourself if you had really left at all.

The weather in the place made shivers run over your spine. Without the equipment you could feel the wind biting into your skin so hard it shook your bones, and it was almost painful.

You turned your head when you saw a figure crossing your side, but no one was there, and you couldn’t see your house or Clint anymore.

“Clint,” you called, looking around in the devastated place. “Clint, where are you?”

No answer.

You turned once again when you felt someone passing by, and when you turned back, the cliff that had been haunting your mind since you were back from the planet was just a few steps away from you, the wind so strong that you could feel it pushing you towards it.

“Why did you to that to me?”

The air was punched out of your lungs when you saw Natasha right behind you. Her head was cracked open, her hair, face and shoulders covered in dark dried blood. She didn’t look like the last time you’d seen her; she was rotting.

“You jumped,” you stuttered. “You… You didn’t…”

You tried breathing in, feeling as if someone was sitting on your chest and stopping you from doing so.

“You don’t deserve to live,” she stepped closer to you, driving you closer to the edge until you were almost there. If you moved your foot, you’d be doomed.

“I tried saving you, you didn’t let me!”

“Did you?” she stepped closer. “Did you really?”

Her rotting hands reached up for you and pushed you hard. You let out a scream and sat up straight, covering your face with your hands when you realised you were in the compound.

It was a dream. A fucking dream.

“Mrs Barton,” FRIDAY called your name, making you uncover your eyes,

“Yes?” you groaned.

“The others are waiting for you. The new gauntlet is ready.”

You took a deep breath, trying to push the dream out of your mind.

“I’m on my way, FRIDAY.”

* * *

 

You stepped into the common room in silence, hiding yourself in an old hoodie of Clint that you had with you for the last five years, but never did more than stare at it for a long time. You didn’t know how you would break the news to him. Nat was gone, your trio was shattered forever, and it was your fault.

If you’d only jumped before her…

“Y/N,” Steve called your name, and you raised your head to the group in front of you. “Come.”

You stepped closer, trying to keep your chin up while approaching them. You could feel the tension in the air while the new gauntlet rested in front of you.

“Who is going to do it?” you turned to the men around you.

It was too much power. It could destroy someone.

“Me,” Bruce affirmed.

You had decided to wait until the other members of the team were back before paying your respects in Natasha’s funeral. They would want to mourn her just as well, it wouldn’t be fair to do it without them.

You watched the gauntlet being placed in Bruce’s big hand. You’d done everything to achieve those stones, even breaking the laws of physics for them. They needed to work. If they did not, you wouldn’t know what to do.

“FRIDAY,” Tony called, and the windows around you closed off, the whole place protecting itself for any impact or unexpected reaction from the stones.

You clenched your jaw. If Natasha was here, she’d hold your hand, but she wasn’t.

You could feel the pain in his green face when the gauntlet was placed on Bruce’s hand, but he didn’t falter or ask for someone to help him. Instead, he just gritted his teeth, raising his hand and exchanging a look with Tony.

“Okay,” the shorter scientist breathed heavily. “It’s time to do this.”

You moved your eyes to his fingers and held your breath, praying to anything that would hear you and attend to your pleas. This was your last chance.

And then he snapped. 


	11. 11

You uncovered your eyes, recovering from the sudden burst of light that had filled the room with the power from the stones. Tony and Thor were quick to help Bruce out of the gauntlet, and all of you were surprised to see how his whole arm had just been severely burnt in the process of the snap. 

“Did it work?” Nebula asked, looking around. 

“Guys,” Scott called from one of the windows, which had just been open. “Look.”

The outside was clearly greener, and more birds were flying around than before. 

“I think it did,” Rocket muttered. 

You jumped in surprise when someone’s phone rang, and turned with the others to find Steve holding his in his hand, slowly lifting it onto his ear. 

“Yes?”

His eyes widened, and he turned fully to you. 

“Uh… Yes, she’s here. Give me a moment.”

Everyone stared at you when he offered you the mobile. 

“It’s Clint.”

Your heart raced inside your chest and you straight up froze on your spot, just staring at him. 

“He wants to talk to you,” he insisted. “He sounds worried.”

You just looked from him to Tony and back, seeing the billionaire whisper something onto his watch before finally reaching for the phone, shaking in the process. 

“Hello?” you stuttered out. 

“Honey?” he sounded relieved. 

“Yes,” you squeezed out. 

Fuck. 

It was him. It was Clint. Clint was okay. 

“Thank goodness,” he exclaimed. “Are you okay? What happened? You were here one  minute and then there was a weird thing and then you’re gone the next. The kids are so confused, I’m completely lost!”

You were crying by now, sobbing and unable to concentrate on his words, just hearing his voice. Clint was alive, the kids were alive. They were back. Your plan had worked. Your family was back. 

“Y/N?” Your husband called your name, interrupting himself when he noticed your distress. “What’s going on?”

You opened your mouth to speak but only sobs came out, and your husband was even more worried. 

“Are you in danger? Did anything happen? Y/N, please say something!”

You just couldn’t. Seeing how you were unable to continue, Tony gently took the phone from your hand. 

“Barton,” he said, clearly trying to sound calm but not being exactly successful. “No… We’re okay. Everyone is okay. We are okay, really. She’s… Well, she’s having a mental breakdown, I think.”

He nodded briefly. 

“The quinjet will pick you and the kiddos up, you don’t have to worry about anything, just get the three ready it’ll be there in 10 minutes tops, okay? Yeah...” he looked over you. “Of course, we’re gonna take care of her. Don’t worry.”

You felt someone tugging on you and looked up to Lang when he spoke to you. 

“Let’s get you a glass of water, okay?” 

. . .

You were partially calmer when you heard the sound of the engines on the landing field, and ran outside as if your life itself depended on their arrival. 

The first person who walked out was Clint, followed by Nattie – both of them with arches and arrows – and then Cooper holding Pietro in his arms. 

Your younger son jumped from his brothers’ arms and ran to you with so much force you had to hold back from falling down. 

You started crying all over again, sobbing and squeezing him. He was here, your little boy was alive and in your arms, after all you've gone through you had him again. 

“Nattie, Cooper,” you sobbed, opening the arm that wasn’t holding Pietro. “Come here.”

The two teens didn’t hesitate and ran to you just as well, all surrounding you in a warm embrace you had been longing for since the day you saw them turn into dust five years ago. 

“I love you so much,” you sobbed. “So much.”

You were crying so hard you couldn’t even breathe or see what was in front of you, and if the kids were confused, they didn’t really say anything. They were scared too, you could imagine; after what had just happened, the streets must have been chaotic and even your house was completely trashed after five years without maintenance. 

You pulled away, and held each of your kids’ faces in your hands, staring at them and kissing their cheeks, noses and foreheads to make sure they were there – to assure yourself you weren’t dreaming.

“I missed you so much,” you bawled. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, mum,” Nattie said with tears in her eyes. “We’re here. We’re okay.”

“Please don’t cry, mummy,” Pietro said into your neck. 

“Yes, you are,” you nodded. “You’re okay, you’re here with me now.”

You kissed them again and again until your tears fell on their faces. 

“Go inside, okay?” you pushed Cooper's hair behind his ears. “Don’t be scared by the green guy and… Uh… Your uncle Tony will give you whatever you need. I’ll just talk to your dad and I’ll be there in a minute.”

They confirmed, and Cooper took Pietro’s hand, your three kids only leaving once you had – once again – kissed their faces. 

When you turned to Clint, you broke down in tears again. This time, your knees faltered, and your husband was quick to hold you against him, stopping you from falling. 

“Hey, easy girl,” he whispered, breathless. “It’s okay. We’re okay. We’re safe, everything is okay.”

His words just made you cry more and more, and you clung onto him so hard you feared you were hurting his skin. 

“You were dead,” you sobbed. “You were dead for five years, all of you were.” 

Clint didn’t answer and held your husband tighter. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” you shook your head, panting.

You moved, taking your husband’s lips into yours and kissing him hard, to which Clint returned eagerly, ignoring the strong taste of salty tears.

“I love you so much,” you said against his lips. “I missed you so much. I love you.”

Your husband squeezed you hard, and you felt something wet on your neck, wondering if the tears were yours or his. 

“It’s okay,” he caressed your hair. “It’s okay. We’re okay. We’re here now. Everything is gonna be fine.”


	12. 12

You didn’t move your eyes from Clint’s the whole time you were over him. With your legs around his waist and your hands holding his, you were riding his cock so slowly you could see the suffering on his face, but couldn’t bring yourself to increase your pace. You didn’t want this to end, you wanted him inside you and close to you forever.

“Fuck, baby,” your husband reached forward to take your lips on his, releasing your hands to pull you closer to his body. “Feel so good.”

You still thought you were dreaming, that what you were living wasn’t real. Still, you were clinging onto him and the kids with all your strength. The whole day you had one of them – or more – in physical contact with you, unable to allow yourself onto letting them go until it was bedtime.

You still needed to figure things out; your house was inhabitable, the kids had to get back to school and you didn’t know if being snapped out of existence and back would affect their health in any way.

Clint sucked on your neck, bringing you back onto the present, and you moaned while his lips descended onto your breasts, holding his hair in your hands when he gave your breasts and nipples small licks and bites, using his free hand to thumb with your clit, circling it the way only he knew you liked.

“Fuck, Clint,” you threw your head back. “Can’t… Don’t…”

“Uh?” he said against your skin.

“Don’t want it to end up too fast,” you whined.

In response, your husband just moved his lips up, pressing them against yours.

“Don’t worry,” he pushed his hips faster against yours, delivering each word with hard strokes. “We can start over again, and again and again…”

You had to contain a loud and shameful moan as he delivered his words, afraid it would wake up the kids in the room right beside yours.

“Yeah?” you managed to mutter back.

“Yeah,” he kissed his way up your ear. “And then we can fall down exhausted like when we did before we had Cooper and wake up just to eat and fuck all over again,”

You giggled, although interrupted by another moan, and squeezed your eyes shut when you felt your orgasm forming. When you opened them, Clint was staring at you with such desire and adoration in his eyes that you were pretty sure that made your body shake even more.

“You’re so good,” you panted. “Shit, Clint… Missed you, missed this so much.”

He kissed you once again, helping to move you up and down, knowing well enough that you were far too gone to do so alone. You came right after kissing him on the lips once again, your moan lost in the kiss you two shared. You two didn’t stop, though, doing your best to continue riding until you reached a second orgasm and Clint reached his own.

You two stood there, silently pressed against one another, and you felt tears coming to your eyes for the 100th time again that day.

“I missed you so much,” you whispered, feeling the pain of his loss in your chest all over again. “I thought I would never see you again.”

Clint kissed your lips gently.

“But I’m here, right?” he reminded you. “You did the best you could, all of you did.”

You lowered your eyes when you saw the sadness behind his. You’d told your family about how Natasha had sacrificed herself to bring everyone back, and they were all just affected as you.

“We’re gonna be fine,” he promised. “We’re together now.”

You swallowed down the lump that had formed in your throat.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything,” you whispered.

But your husband just shook his head.

“You did everything you could,” he reminded you.

You were ready to protest, but Clint squeezed you and kissed your lips fiercely.

“Clint…”

“Let’s think about it in other time,” he moved his hands to your breasts, toying with your nipples. “Don’t you remember what I said?”

You frowned, confused, and gasped when he ground his cock against your pussy lips, feeling it already hardening.

“Again and again and again until we pass out from exhaustion. And I think you still have a lot to give, Mrs Barton.”

You didn’t protest, taking his face between your hands and kissing him hard.

“I love you,” muttered against his lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	13. Epilogue

You lowered yourself down carefully to position the flowers onto the memorial you’d built with your own hands for your best friend and leant into Clint’s touch when he offered you help to get back up.

“Do you think she knows we succeeded?” you asked to no one in particular.

Standing beside you and your husband were Bruce and Wanda. As far as you knew, your scientist friend had come to the memorial every single day in the last six months to place flowers where you’d done so, and Wanda still lived in the Compound, although she travelled quite frequently to visit you and Clint at your farm on a continuation of the friendship you’d formed before the snap.

“She does,” she affirmed. “They both do.”

“She put all of her faith in that stone,” you moved a hand to touch your stomach. “I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t worked.”

Clint moved closer to you in response and kissed your temple.

“But it did work,” he reminded you in a whisper. “There’s nothing to worry about, not any more.”

You shifted on your spot, this time deliberately caressing your stomach. Your therapist had said the same thing, but you didn’t think of telling him; maybe he’d heard that from his own just as well.

Bruce only nodded to the three of you and stayed behind as you walked away.

“Have you picked out names yet?” Wanda changed the subject. “The due date is very close.”

“Nathaniel Anthony,” your husband affirmed. “And we’re discussing the girl, but we were thinking of something along the lines of Wanda Alina. We know Alinova was a patronymic name but… Two Natashas in the same family tend to end up in confusion.”

She stopped raising her eyebrows high not a second before giving you a big smile.

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank us,” you offered her a smile. “You’ve been a good friend and you love our kids as if they were a part of your family. It’s the least we can do.”

She hugged you, and you returned the gesture tightly. It was a lot, you knew that. You had all lost a lot.

You found out you were expecting just two weeks after moving back home, although you were at least five weeks into the actual pregnancy. Your doctor was really sure that while one of the babies had been conceived when you and Clint had met once again after the snap, another baby – which you found out later was Nathaniel – was around two months into development when that happened. Because of that, you were scheduled for a C-section in just one month.

“ _ We gave a new meaning to the phrase ‘I can’t get any more pregnant’,” _ your husband had joked when he learnt of what was happening.

The farm went into some fixing beyond the simple reconstruction, with more rooms being added to your house and Pietro’s old nursery turned into something for the twins. Wanda was more present than ever: she had her own room, and frequently kept you company while Clint worked around the place and the kids were at school. Tony had already given your kids' so many gifts you had to keep them in one of the guest rooms and was over the moon with the fact that you’d paid him homage in your new baby son’s second name.

Natasha’s presence was still haunting you, you couldn’t deny it, but therapy was helping. You were coming to terms with the fact that your friend had chosen to sacrifice herself and you weren’t the one to blame for that; what was left of her was your love for her, your memories and the three kids you’d chosen to name after her.

“I think we should head back home,” your husband suggested. “The kids start school again tomorrow, we need to get everything ready.”

Things were getting back into place. Clint was back, and you had your kids back in your arms. You were alive, and were forgiven from the crimes you’d committed in the period you were hidden with the condition that you would retire again – and definitively this time – from the Avengers. That wasn’t much of a problem for you, honestly.

“Clint,” you stopped when you two reached your car, and your husband stopped to look at you. “I’m happy you’re back.”

He smiled.

“I’m glad to be back too.”


End file.
